It's To Hard To Connect The Dots When They Don't Stay On The Same Place

All the things I wanna do
I’ll never do them
All the things I ever craved for
I’ll never have them
All the work that I put myself into
Will take me nowhere
Not even a car will be able to drive me there.

Hate and pity, it’s all I feel,
Cuz I can’t create.
Everything is already real.

Sleeping pills can’t help me anymore
I’ve tried to get out of it before.
Endless nights are all I see.
Barely breathing,
But people still need me.

I can’t stop.
Not now.
It’s a too late, I’ve already
Became the clown.

Nobody looks at me.
No one says that I’m beautiful.
Mirrors and glass reflect the
Real monster I am in the outside.

Troubled kid, disturbed mind

Every time I feel down
I just put on a fake smile,
Because everyone needs me.
And they need me now.

Today, tomorrow, yesterday,
Everything that I’ve done
Will never become the
Big exit I want it to be.

Black dress, high heels,
Wish I could know how it feels.
Compliments, smiles received,
Not irony and sarcasm to deceive.

I’m not the only one dead,
Everyone is.
But my heart always skips a beat.
Purple and blue are colors that
I never knew.

The touch, the slide,
Through the body
Painted in a dark pale white
I will never try.

I beg, I cry,
Every single night.
There’s no one there,
That can hold me that tight.

When I lay my head
I dream about us,
About a happy future near to come.
I wake up every time my mind
Tells me that dreaming is not good enough.

Lies I say every day.
Compulsively.
Sadly I’m still in training.
Picking pockets,
Picking hearts,
It’s just hard for me to take.

Breaking legs,
Breaking arms
Breaking every little thing inside.
It all makes sense,
When I start to live in the real world.

Fuck emends.
Fuck friends.
I don’t know who I am anymore.
Cold? Warm? Nice? Mean?

I’m every little adjective
That comes to your mind.
Black and blue is the sky.
For me that is the ultimate truth,
Nothing more.

People say that
“it’s hard to follow your thoughts”.
I say
“it’s only hard because you make it hard”.

One plus one equals two.
Last time I checked no one knew,
What to say when I’m standing
In the way.

I pray every single night.
To God, to Zeus, to Hades,
Asking for another life.

Until now, the answer as always been “No,
This is how you’ll live until the day you die”.
Paralyzed I don’t know why.

My hand, it trembles.
Always believing that this ink
will make it better but,
I’m not sad.
I’m not depressed.

I’m just stuck,
Stuck in the middle of every one.
And I can’t get out.

I don’t need doctors.
I don’t even like nurses.
I need no medication.
I don’t need false intentions.
I just want what I had.

My gift,
My amazing gift.

I just want it back.

Open my mind every morning.

My brains get out of my head,
Waiting for that time leap,
Where they will come back.

Darkest days are in the past.
They belong to the present.
Their place is in the future.
I know I will succeed,
I know I have to try.
Certainties and facts diverge
In the act of revealing a life.

The cards won’t tell me
what’s on my way.
Expectations,
That I won’t be able to reach.

I don’t care that time stops.
The clock will continue to work.

And everyone, just like little workin’ bees
will do what they have to do.

Fight, survive
Live as a hero
Drowning in blood and tears,
Waking and living in the nightmares,
Where guns are shot.
Lost bullets will kill you and
Turn you into dust.

You won’t be able to fly anymore.
Your wings stood behind,
Beneath your bed,
Getting dust while the time goes on by.

Guitars and boots
I undress, my body
I slave everyday for
This mess.

Notes that your voice can’t reach,
Are the notes that I keep sealed.
Sealed with red candle wax,
Only to be opened by a better you.

There’s no rush.
You can pick up the phone.
You can talk.
I’ll wait, I’ll just wait…

Five seconds of your attention,
Becomes the most frighten thing
I ever had.

Monsters, zombies and aliens don't
Scare me me.
Your eyes take my entire breath,
Your mouth makes my heart
die.

Stops.

Completely.

Every single time.

You move your lips towards me.

I’m frozen, I’m closed
Behind bars.

Beyond you.